Seasons
Winter and spring were hard seasons. I think Jake and I learned a lot about marriage, family, and life during those difficult months. I know this is SO obvious, but I did not realize how very collective marriage is. By that I mean, success or hardship isn't just experienced by just one spouse--everything about hardships, challenges, successes, etc. is a shared experience of the whole family. (Duh, I know. Marriage 101 over here.) It's just so hard to think about the tangibles of that when you're walking down the aisle. You just don't know how it's all going to play out.
We've learned a lot about priorities, dying to self and our own desires, and control. Oh, what a lesson in letting go of control this season has been for me.
Long story short, it was really hard for us to recover after Jake lost his job. We were living on less money and unexpectedly, four different monthly bills went up to the tune of several hundred dollars. Jake getting a part-time job didn't help. We were still bleeding money and we knew our reserves were not going to last more than a few months, at best. To cut down on childcare, we arranged our schedules so that we just had one day off a week together. Which we were super grateful for, don't get me wrong, but working and/or solo-parenting almost every day of the week is hard (single parents--you seriously amaze me!).
I thought about the year I was 24 a lot during this time. Do you remember being 24? I do. 24 was the last year--before marriage, grad school, motherhood. All of it. 24 was a good year. I lived on my own, I loved my job--I got a promotion and a big raise that year--I exercised all the time, my little rental condo was always super clean. Jake and I went on dates regularly and I could take trips almost on a whim. I don't think I ever thought much about money. There was always enough of it and then some. I honestly don't know what my biggest worry was at that point. Traffic, maybe? I sat in traffic a lot. That was lame. It was a simpler time, let's put it that way. I would not trade ANY of what I have today for a second, but I sure daydreamed A LOT about simpler times during those difficult months.
So we finally sat down and had the conversation I did not want to have. The conversation that had been filtering since December as the back-up plan of all back-up plans that I really was not interested in pursuing. The back-up plan where we sell the house we've lived in for just a year, leave the job I love, and the community we love, to move to Klamath Falls (where my parents live) for a lower cost of living and grandma-supported childcare. It's a great back-up plan, no doubt. It would save us. But I wanted no part of it. I love where we live. I love our house. I love my job. I love the working mom lifestyle I have at my job (which I think is about as common as a unicorn... but hopefully, I'm wrong about that). But Jake was right. We were out of time and almost out of money. We had little to no time together as a family. Living near my parents and having help would be awesome. All true. I conceded that the well-being and happiness of our family unit was indeed more important than my own. (I had been digging my heels in on this one, big time.)
We had this conversation on Thursday, April 21.
On Friday, April 22, I peed on a stick and it lit right up with those 2 lines. Pregnant.
Pregnant?! Now?! Really?? (I mean, I wasn't THAT surprised at that point. I was 5 days late, after all. But those were the thoughts swirling around in my head every day leading up to that morning.) We were not trying, in case that's not abundantly obvious. It's funny, the difference in a planned vs. unplanned pregnancy. Lyla was so very planned. I mean, we had all the ducks in a row. I was SO prepared. But this baby? There were no ducks. Not even kind of. And while I met this pregnancy with equal parts joy and panic, there was joy. So much joy! Jake didn't miss a beat. The truth is, we really WANTED another baby. We just kept putting it off because, you know, all of the millions of very real, practical reasons I listed above.
[Sidenote, if you want a good laugh about my issues with control,we should talk about this baby's due date for a second. If you know me, you know that I have strong feelings about having babies in ANY other month of the year, except for December or January. Neither of our families need any more December or January babies (there are just SO many of us). Would you believe I'm due on December 31st?? It's hilarious. Everything about this baby has shown me that (newsflash, I know) I actually can't control a darn thing.]
Suddenly the back-up plan maybe wasn't such an epic back-up plan. But there was still no extra money to make our current situation work. I'm our main income earner. How am I going to get a new job with a growing baby belly? Insurance is going to be a nightmare. The back-up plan was still potentially in motion, but we started discussing other scenarios, like switching my work days to Tuesday through Friday--it would eliminate our ONLY day off together, BUT it would save us one day per week of childcare. Or we could change our schedules, one of us working earlier and the other later to shave off an hour here or an hour there. All of this to say: there were no good scenarios. But if we had to pursue them, we could.
On Friday, April 29, Jake was offered and accepted a full-time sales position with Calapooia Brewing. It was exactly what we needed, when we needed it the most.
And just like that, all the back-up plans reverted to just that: back-up plans. (Admittedly, we did put at least one iron in the fire during that week of panic. But I'm happy to say that everything worked out just the way it was supposed to.) We get to stay. Jake has a job he loves. We are going to have another baby. We have our family weekends again. It's not perfect; money is still a bit tight and we have some financial rebuilding work to do.
But it's a new season. And we are ready.
We've learned a lot about priorities, dying to self and our own desires, and control. Oh, what a lesson in letting go of control this season has been for me.
Long story short, it was really hard for us to recover after Jake lost his job. We were living on less money and unexpectedly, four different monthly bills went up to the tune of several hundred dollars. Jake getting a part-time job didn't help. We were still bleeding money and we knew our reserves were not going to last more than a few months, at best. To cut down on childcare, we arranged our schedules so that we just had one day off a week together. Which we were super grateful for, don't get me wrong, but working and/or solo-parenting almost every day of the week is hard (single parents--you seriously amaze me!).
I thought about the year I was 24 a lot during this time. Do you remember being 24? I do. 24 was the last year--before marriage, grad school, motherhood. All of it. 24 was a good year. I lived on my own, I loved my job--I got a promotion and a big raise that year--I exercised all the time, my little rental condo was always super clean. Jake and I went on dates regularly and I could take trips almost on a whim. I don't think I ever thought much about money. There was always enough of it and then some. I honestly don't know what my biggest worry was at that point. Traffic, maybe? I sat in traffic a lot. That was lame. It was a simpler time, let's put it that way. I would not trade ANY of what I have today for a second, but I sure daydreamed A LOT about simpler times during those difficult months.
So we finally sat down and had the conversation I did not want to have. The conversation that had been filtering since December as the back-up plan of all back-up plans that I really was not interested in pursuing. The back-up plan where we sell the house we've lived in for just a year, leave the job I love, and the community we love, to move to Klamath Falls (where my parents live) for a lower cost of living and grandma-supported childcare. It's a great back-up plan, no doubt. It would save us. But I wanted no part of it. I love where we live. I love our house. I love my job. I love the working mom lifestyle I have at my job (which I think is about as common as a unicorn... but hopefully, I'm wrong about that). But Jake was right. We were out of time and almost out of money. We had little to no time together as a family. Living near my parents and having help would be awesome. All true. I conceded that the well-being and happiness of our family unit was indeed more important than my own. (I had been digging my heels in on this one, big time.)
We had this conversation on Thursday, April 21.
On Friday, April 22, I peed on a stick and it lit right up with those 2 lines. Pregnant.
Pregnant?! Now?! Really?? (I mean, I wasn't THAT surprised at that point. I was 5 days late, after all. But those were the thoughts swirling around in my head every day leading up to that morning.) We were not trying, in case that's not abundantly obvious. It's funny, the difference in a planned vs. unplanned pregnancy. Lyla was so very planned. I mean, we had all the ducks in a row. I was SO prepared. But this baby? There were no ducks. Not even kind of. And while I met this pregnancy with equal parts joy and panic, there was joy. So much joy! Jake didn't miss a beat. The truth is, we really WANTED another baby. We just kept putting it off because, you know, all of the millions of very real, practical reasons I listed above.
[Sidenote, if you want a good laugh about my issues with control,we should talk about this baby's due date for a second. If you know me, you know that I have strong feelings about having babies in ANY other month of the year, except for December or January. Neither of our families need any more December or January babies (there are just SO many of us). Would you believe I'm due on December 31st?? It's hilarious. Everything about this baby has shown me that (newsflash, I know) I actually can't control a darn thing.]
Suddenly the back-up plan maybe wasn't such an epic back-up plan. But there was still no extra money to make our current situation work. I'm our main income earner. How am I going to get a new job with a growing baby belly? Insurance is going to be a nightmare. The back-up plan was still potentially in motion, but we started discussing other scenarios, like switching my work days to Tuesday through Friday--it would eliminate our ONLY day off together, BUT it would save us one day per week of childcare. Or we could change our schedules, one of us working earlier and the other later to shave off an hour here or an hour there. All of this to say: there were no good scenarios. But if we had to pursue them, we could.
On Friday, April 29, Jake was offered and accepted a full-time sales position with Calapooia Brewing. It was exactly what we needed, when we needed it the most.
And just like that, all the back-up plans reverted to just that: back-up plans. (Admittedly, we did put at least one iron in the fire during that week of panic. But I'm happy to say that everything worked out just the way it was supposed to.) We get to stay. Jake has a job he loves. We are going to have another baby. We have our family weekends again. It's not perfect; money is still a bit tight and we have some financial rebuilding work to do.
But it's a new season. And we are ready.
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